I'm Only a Shadow

Subuh arrived quietly, as though afraid of disturbing a world that was still fast asleep.

Smoke drifted from Makcik Timah's kitchen onto the veranda, carrying with it the rich aroma of kampung fried rice strong enough to comfort even the most broken heart.



"Zainudin, wake up. Breakfast is ready. Don't wait until the Zuhur call to prayer before deciding to join the living," Makcik Timah's voice called from outside his room.

Zainudin slowly opened his eyes.

Morning light slipped through the window and brushed gently across his tired face.

He stared at the ceiling fan turning lazily overhead before letting out a quiet sigh.

"If even a fan can keep spinning without knowing where it's going, maybe I can live without a purpose too," he murmured.

A knock came at the door.

Eisya appeared in the doorway, holding a mug of coffee.

"Makcik Timah made this, not me. So don't complain if it's as sweet as a promise that was never meant to be kept," she teased.

A faint smile crossed Zainudin's face.

"You know, this coffee is probably the only thing that still chooses to stay with me every morning."

Eisya sat down and placed the mug on the table.

"If you're this loyal to coffee, no wonder people are scared to get close to you. They're afraid they'll lose the comparison."

They shared a small laugh.

But Zainudin's eyes still seemed far away.

Eisya noticed that every time he smiled, something inside him never quite reached his eyes.

"Din," she said softly, "are you still having the same dream?"

He stayed quiet for a moment before answering.

"I dream about talking to my own shadow. The shadow asks me which one of us is actually still alive."

Suddenly, Makcik Timah's voice interrupted from outside.

"If that shadow is hungry, tell it to come downstairs and eat too. I made extra."

Eisya laughed.

"She really does know how to rescue a moment."

Zainudin lowered his gaze with a faint smile.

"She's the only light that never gets angry at me for being dark."

After breakfast, they sat outside in the yard.

Aina arrived from the end of the road carrying a basket filled with paper flowers.

"Assalamualaikum. Did anyone miss me?"

Without missing a beat, Makcik Timah answered from the kitchen.

"If missing you helps fold this laundry, then maybe I'll believe it."

Aina laughed and sat beside Eisya.

She looked at Zainudin for a long moment before speaking.

"I heard your song on the radio last night. It was so sad even the flowers sounded like they were mourning."

Zainudin smiled weakly.

"It isn't my song. It's a song about someone who never really existed."

Aina frowned slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"The person I've been waiting for was only ever a shadow. Just like me."

Silence settled between them.

The morning breeze lifted the sheets of paper lying on the table.

Eisya lowered her eyes to the handwritten lines in front of her.

"I see this world as though it were hidden behind a curtain of mist. Nothing I touch ever truly feels real."

Eisya drew in a slow breath.

"If everything looks like fog, maybe it's because you've kept the window closed for too long."

Zainudin looked at her quietly.

"If I open it, the light might disappear the moment I close my eyes."

Aina answered gently.

"But if you never open it at all, you'll never know the sky is still blue."

Makcik Timah appeared carrying a tray of kuih.

"If all of you want to argue like philosophers, eat first. No brain works properly on an empty stomach."

The three of them laughed.

For a moment, that laughter alone was enough to make the morning feel alive.

After Aina and Makcik Timah disappeared back into the kitchen, Eisya remained on the veranda.

She watched Zainudin standing silently before an old mirror.

"Din, are you afraid of looking at your own shadow?"

"No. I'm only afraid that my shadow knows who I am better than I do."

Eisya stood behind him, watching their reflection together.

"If you're the shadow, maybe I'm the light. But even light gets tired of searching for the same direction forever."

Zainudin turned towards her.

His eyes shimmered slightly.

"Why are you still here, Eisya?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I still haven't learned how to leave someone who never truly left."

The old radio in the corner of the house suddenly came to life.

The song Aku Hanya Bayang-Bayang echoed softly through the room, rough around the edges yet painfully honest.

Zainudin closed his eyes and took a long breath.

"Eisya, if one day I disappear, would you look for me?"

Eisya answered quietly.

"I wouldn't have to. Shadows never really disappear. They simply wait for the light to return."

The sun climbed a little higher and poured through the windows of the old house.

Light reflected across the mirror.

And for the very first time, Zainudin could see his shadow clearly standing behind him.

A small smile appeared on his face.

"I'm still here," he whispered.

And that morning, for the first time in a very long while, the shadow smiled back.